Still Falling (Falling Series Book 2) Read online

  When I get inside I toss my gym bag and keys onto the table by the side door and make my way through the kitchen, down the hall, then into the living room where I left my guitar. It’s old and a bit beat-up, but it feels so right under my fingertips.

  I grab the neck of the scratched-up rosewood acoustic that Ma bought for me over ten years ago. The smooth wood and cool metal of the fretboard offering a comfort I feel every time I grab that six string. Feeling like home.

  Sitting down on the oak coffee table in front of my leather couch, I bring the body across my lap then start strumming until the anger and pain dissipates into a dull ache. Acting like a balm to my soul.

  Music quiets the horrors of my past. It drowns out the demons raging inside of my head. And it eases the ache of knowing that one night with Ace changed everything.

  I watch as Damon’s all black, jacked up GMC Denali truck speeds off through the only intersection on main street. Silent tears filling my eyes. This being one of only a handful of times I’ve laid my eyes on him since he took my virginity and the last piece of my heart a few weeks ago.

  Despite that night, my heart still warms and my tummy still flutters just knowing it was him. Knowing he was so close.

  I’ve been avoiding him just as much as he’s been avoiding me. No phone calls of apology or explanation. No run ins here at the café. We haven’t even been subjected to group nights out since Ember and Kayson spent the last two weeks in Hawaii for their honeymoon. The few times Sam and Amber did try to get us together I really was working, so I was able to get out of going.

  Since that night of Ember and Kayson’s wedding, Damon and I have been able to keep our distance from one another. But that hasn’t stopped my head or my heart from remembering every detail.

  That night playing like a highlight reel through my mind on a constant loop.

  His caressing hands. His lust-filled eyes. His soft, full lips skimming across my fair skin. His masterful tongue. His possessive touch. The way he took me so gently then powerfully, like he wanted to claim me. Own me.

  Then the aftermath hits me. The awe in his gaze that quickly turned to anger. His cold, detached voice. His harsh words. The way he made me feel so worthless—so cheap and used.

  I hang my head as I swipe the cloth once more along the wooden bar top before walking back behind the front counter. Getting lost in my thoughts on my way.

  These last few weeks I’ve kept to myself. Or tried to. Ember, Sam, and Amber have all tried to talk to me, knowing something must be wrong. I’m assuming Sam, Amber, or both of them, filled Ember in on my weird mood because she was even texting me from Hawaii. Short responses to text messages and unanswered phone calls turned into Sam and Amber dropping by the café or my second floor apartment to check on me. I’ve tried my best to plaster on my fake smiles and offer up lame excuses, but they see through it. I can see how much they want to pry, and they have tried a time or two, but I can’t let them know.

  I know they mean well, but I just can’t tell them what happened. And I don’t think I ever will.

  I’ve held my ground. As much as it kills me to keep this from them, I just can’t stand to relive the rejection and the hurt from Damon. In my head, every day and every night, is bad enough. Having to utter the words out loud to my closest friends would just make it worse. So much worse.

  I’m brought out of my thoughts as Cora quietly steps beside me and clears her throat. “I’m sorry, Tracey, but my shift’s over. Did you need anything else?”

  I look behind me at the clock hanging over the back counter full of flavored syrups to see she’s right. And it’s almost time for closing, too.

  Cora has worked for my parents and me for a couple of months now. She’s new in town, was looking for a job, and we were hiring. She’s quiet but a hard worker. Just what we were looking for.

  “Thanks, Cora,” I offer up quietly with a small smile. “I’m all set. You’re good to go, hon.”

  She smiles through a nod, her almost black hair swinging around her shoulders, grabs her things from under the counter, and turns to leave. The jingle of the bell the only sound ringing through the air. Then silence. Leaving me alone again with my thoughts.

  That is until a throat clears and brings me back to reality. My head snaps up to see Teddy Wilkes, an old classmate and my worst nightmare, standing before me. His beady brown eyes assess as much of my body that can be seen from behind the counter. His dirty blond hair stands in disarray. His fitted T-shirt and tattered jeans look rumpled and greasy from the garage he works at in town. He looks as chaotic as ever. A shiver runs down my spine as a smirk takes over his mouth. My unease is stifling.

  Teddy and I never got along in school. From elementary through high school he was always picking on me and making my life hell. Now as adults, he still can never leave me alone. He’s always dropping by the café on his breaks, or to and from work, leering at me and overstaying his welcome.

  “Hey there,” he drawls. Smirk still in place. His arrogance is obnoxious and unwarranted. He thinks he’s God’s gift to women and that he’s so charming, when in fact he’s anything but.

  “It’s almost closing time, Teddy. I only have what’s left of the daily brew and this plate here of pastries.” I point to the plate on the counter, keeping my gaze locked with his. Trying to hide my unease with mock courage.

  Just keep eye contact, Tracey. The quicker he realizes he isn’t getting to you, the quicker he’ll leave.

  “I’m not here for coffee or pastries, darlin’. I’m here for something much sweeter”—he pauses, eyes right on mine—”you.”

  I swallow harshly as bile starts to stir in my belly. My mock courage flies out the window when I realize no customers remain, and with Cora gone and my parents away on a cruise for their annual vacation, that leaves me all alone in the shop with him and no one left to come by to help with closing.

  “Go on a date with me, Tracey. You know you want to.” He winks for added effect along with his slimy smirk. The bile starts to rise so I swallow again before answering. I don’t know what it is about Teddy that makes me feel like I need to be so cautious around him, besides the fact that he bullied me for years of course, but there is just something else about him that has alarms going off.

  “Just like the last hundred times you’ve asked me, Teddy, the answer is the same. No. Now, if you aren’t making a purchase I’ll need you to leave so I can lock up.” I give a curt nod to emphasize my point.

  His smirk and easygoing demeanor go out the window at my rejection. Beady brown eyes harden to match his set jaw. “I don’t know why I fuckin’ bother with your ass anyway. I’m sure you’d be a weak lay at best. Must be why Officer Fuckface still hasn’t given into you panting after him like some bitch in heat. I should take my cue from Damon and leave you the fuck alone.”

  I knew my crush on Damon didn’t go unnoticed but having it thrown in my face like that, by Teddy of all people, stings deeply.

  “Get out,” I grind out between clenched teeth. My act of being unaffected shattering. “Get out. Now!”

  Teddy’s sickening smirk is back in place when he realizes he hit a weak spot for me. “Gladly,” he replies as he slams his open palm to the wood counter separating us, making me jump, before turning to walk out.

  I take deep, controlled breaths to calm my racing heart when he wrenches the door open and storms out.

  Gathering myself, I turn to the right to head around the counter to lock up when I hear the bell jingle again. Fear starts to bubble around me when I think Teddy returned. My fears are eased though when Ember, Sam, and Amber walk through the door. I rush forward to make sure I can lock the door behind them just in case.

  “Hey,” Em and Amber say in unison as they walk in first, followed by Sam.

  “What up, bitch?” she says saucily before kissing my cheek and walking in. I roll my eyes. “What the hell was ‘Teddy the Tormentor’ doing leaving here?” Her voice turns hard at mentioning Teddy.

&nb
sp; Turning the lock before flipping over the open sign to show that we’re closed, I catch sight of Teddy’s retreating back down the sidewalk. Another chill runs down my spine. I shake it off before I reply, “Oh nothing. Trying to order a last minute special brew right before closing while being his charming ol’ self.” I take a deep breath. “I sent him on his way after I told him no.” I’m sure they catch my double meaning. They know he stops by regularly to ask me out.

  I keep my back to them for a couple more seconds, knowing what’s going to happen before they even open their mouths to speak to me. I take a deep breath, release it slowly, and then turn around to look at my three very best friends. Their whispering stops immediately when they see me watching them. They all wear knowing looks.

  My earlier unease and anger evaporates into thin air as Ember speaks up. Mentioning his name. “Kayson ran into Damon today.” She gets right to the point.

  I really thought we were over this from the last time I told them I was fine.

  “Okay. And? They’re friends. They see each other. What does that have to do with all three of you being here, looking at me like this?” I cross my arms over my apron-covered chest.

  “We know your sour mood has to do with him, Tracey. Don’t even try to fool us anymore.” Sam jabs her finger toward me as she glares and leans against a nearby table. “Amber and I saw you leave Em’s wedding hand in hand with Damon and ever since then we can’t even get you two in the same room together. So spill. What the hell happened?” She tosses her hands up. Exasperated.

  Amber steps forward and wraps an arm around my shoulders. “We care about you, chick. We know you’ve been hurting, and we just want to know how we can help. And in order to do that we need to know what happened.”

  “You never keep anything from us, Tracey. I can’t even imagine why you’d start now. We know you being so upset lately has to do with Damon. We know you left with him after my wedding. But what could have happened to make you keep your distance from him and make you so upset?” Ember’s face scrunches up in confusion before clarity strikes. Her eyes widen. She gasps. “Oh my God, you didn’t?”

  “What?” Sam and Amber ask in unison as they look from Em to me then back to Em.

  “Oh my God,” Sam then rushes out. Eyes fixated on me now.

  Amber still looks a bit lost until she looks around at us all again. Then the light bulb goes off. Her jaw hits the floor as her hand comes up to cover her open mouth.

  My eyes fill with tears. My bottom lip gets trapped between my teeth. I drop my head to look at the floor beneath me.

  “Tracey?” Ember softly questions.

  “Did you and Damon…” Amber trails off.

  “Do the horizontal tango?” Sam busts out. Em and Amber slap her arm at the same time at her outburst.

  I can’t help the giggle that escapes me at her term, but it quickly turns into a sob. My three best friends rush me and engulf me in their arms, the shock over their discovery forgotten.

  “Oh, Tracey,” Ember soothes. “Tell us what happened.”

  “Damn it,” I whisper harshly, dashing away the tears that broke through with a harsh swipe of my hand.

  The three of them lead me over to the back corner booth that has become “our table”. They sit me in the corner and gather the remaining three chairs and cage me in.

  “Whatever happened to no one putting baby in the corner?” I try to joke, referencing one of our favorite movies, but I get three hard looks instead.

  “Enough with trying to distract us with the love of my life’s greatest movie, Tracey. Tell us,” Amber demands while referring to Patrick Swayze. Her no-nonsense side coming out full force along with her sass.

  “Oh, you guys, I have no clue.” I finally crumble as I cross my arms on the tabletop then drop my face onto them, muffling out my reply into my arms. “I shmept miff Mamon, we goth into a fight, annow he mathes me.”

  “Uh, what? Lift up, we can’t hear your response when it’s all garbled with your head buried in your arms,” Amber huffs.

  Lifting my head—I must look a mess—I take what seems to be the hundredth deep breath of the day and let it out before starting over. “I slept with Damon, we got into a fight, and now he hates me.” The tears are back.

  Em, Sam, and Amber all look around at each other before Em speaks up. “We figured out the sleeping together part, which I can’t tell you how shocked I am about that, and would have assumed there was a fight since you’ve been so upset. But why does he hate you? Why would Damon ever hate you? That boy loves you even though he thinks he hides his feelings, when in reality they are more than obvious.”

  My heart aches in my chest at her assessment that Damon must love me. She couldn’t be further from the truth if she tried. I thought that night that maybe he felt something for me, but with the way he acted afterward, there’s no way he had any feelings for me at all. Except for wanting to get his rocks off.

  I start to shake my head to deny her statement, but Sam interrupts. Loudly. “Don’t you even try to deny it, Tracey. It’s true. We all know it. Officer Dimples is just so far up his own ass trying to hide it that he’s an ass half the time. Or burying his charming self under skank after skank.”

  I wince at the visual that reminder brings.

  Sam sees the effect her words had on me and apologizes. “Sorry, but it’s true. Now please explain why the hell you think that sexy motherfucker hates you.”

  My chin trembles as I try to hold in my tears, which are brought on by thinking about that night. I wobbly reply, “He found out I was a virgin.” They all stare back at me, not surprised at that revelation since they all knew I was one. “After we had sex.” I refuse to call it making love, though I desperately want to. Because that’s what it was to me.

  “Okay…” Amber draws out the word. Looking confused again. They all do.

  “He didn’t even ask. He just cornered me after I bumped into him in the hall with some slutty waitress he was about to leave with. That probably should have clued me in right there. But he charmed me into taking his hand, following him to the elevator at the Break Water, then going up to his room. Then everything happened at warp speed, and before I knew it I was experiencing my first orgasm at the hands of someone else, or tongue rather, and then he was inside of me and I was falling even further in love with him than I thought possible.”

  They all blink. Wide-eyed.

  I swallow. Harshly. I hate this part. “Then when we were done, he pulled out, saw the blood, and freaked out. He yelled—a lot. Insinuated that I was easy and accused me of treating myself pretty much like trash. Before he could say any more I dressed quickly and bolted out of the room in tears.”

  “Now he’s just a motherfucker,” Sam grinds out. Her eyes lit with anger. “Although, at some point you need to fill us in on this tongue action you just mentioned,” she continues in all seriousness.

  “Right,” Ember says dryly as she rolls her eyes at Sam, who’s shrugging her shoulders as if to say what? “Back to what’s important—”

  “I think oral is pretty important, but what do I know,” Sam interjects. Amber giggles and Em rolls her eyes again.

  “So he was mad that you didn’t tell him you were a virgin—”

  “Yes,” I cut her off before she can continue. “Which he has some right to be, to a degree. I get it was a shock, but the things he said, the way he made me feel after the way he seemed to cherish me, absolutely crushed me.”

  “Well, he was upset and probably shocked more than anything that you were a virgin like you said. I’m sure he said some things he didn’t mean, which in no way excuses how he treated you and what he said. But—”

  “But you didn’t see him,” I cut Amber off this time, my tone almost frantic. “His hazel eyes frosted over and he wouldn’t hear a thing I tried to say. Any explanation or reason I attempted to give was shot down as soon as I opened my mouth. He made me out to be a liar, like I did it on purpose. But I didn’t. I swear I didn’t
.” The tears are back and are running down my cheeks now. “He just touched me and it was everything I ever wanted, and I just couldn’t bring myself to say anything. Not until it was too late and we were too far gone.” An inkling of shame mixes with my sorrow, but I push it away. I have no reason to feel ashamed for what happened. I should have said something, maybe, but that’s no excuse for the way Damon made me feel after. None at all.

  “Have you tried talking to him since?” Amber asks. Her eyes sad for me. Em and Sam looking on; Em’s eyes matching Amber’s while Sam’s still hold some anger mixed with her sympathy.

  “No, and I’m not going to. I’m embarrassed enough as it is. And angry and hurt. So hurt by the way he spoke to me, and made me feel after, that I can’t bear the thought. So no, I’m not going to.” I shake my head vigorously as I reply. My tears drying up at my determination.

  “You can’t just go the rest of your life not talking to him, Tracey. I mean yeah, he’s a fucking ball-sucking asshole for how he made you feel, but come on. Never mind the fact that Pleasant Beach is so small. We’re all friends. We all hang out. Your parents still live right next door to each other. You’re going to be around him again sooner rather than later.” I hate when Sam makes so much sense. But it doesn’t matter; I’m not talking to him.

  “I’m not foolish enough to think I’ll never speak to him ever again, I just refuse to speak to him now…or in the near future.”

  “Tracey—”

  “No, Ember, I can’t. Not now and not anytime soon,” I declare with a shake of my head, squeezing my eyes closed before opening them again to look at the three of them. “You weren’t there. You didn’t see the way he looked at me or hear the things he said to me. Awful things. Yes, I messed up not telling him about me being a virgin, but that does not excuse how he treated me after. So please, for me, just drop it,” I plead. Exasperated at the entire situation.

  Ember nods in understanding as sadness creeps over her face. Amber and Sam nod their understanding as well. Despite my speech I can feel my walls crumbling around me. My heart aches for Damon, longs for him in a way I never thought possible. It’s always called out to him, but after having him so intimately it’s so much worse. I know I need to stand strong though, in order to guard my heart from further damage.