Falling Deeper (Falling Series) Read online

  “It’s fine, Em. My hand is a bit sore still from the game last night. But I’d take that pain any day if it meant getting to feel your skin against mine.”

  Oh goodness. Really?

  Just as I blush again, and am about to reply with my apology anyway, a slow beat starts to play from a familiar song. Kayson surprises the heck out of me by dropping my heels from my left hand, wrapping both of my arms around his neck, and then brings his hands to my hips.

  We’re still in the middle of the dance floor, with all eyes on us, but it’s as if we are the only two in the room with the way he’s looking at me.

  We start to sway to “Make You Feel My Love” by Adele and I’m surprised again when Kayson starts to lightly hum the song against my ear. His warm breath blowing across my neck causes goose bumps to break out across my skin. I can feel a smile grace his gorgeous lips that rest against the side of my head after he dropped a kiss there. Probably from noticing my reaction to him.

  He pulls me closer by my hips as I start to play with the hair at the base of his neck. He has one large hand splayed in the middle of my bare back with the other splayed at my lower back, riding dangerously low toward my behind. I lay my head against his chest to hear the steady beat of his heart. Sure and strong, just like him.

  It’s surreal being in the arms of this beautiful guy who has come to mean so much to me so quickly. We didn’t dance all night and I was fine with that. I hit the dance floor with Sam and Tracey enough that once the slow songs came on I was content to sit with everyone and enjoy the feel of Kayson’s hands on me. It’s as if he couldn’t stop touching me, always making sure to have a hand on me somewhere. My thigh, my back, an arm draped over the back of my chair with his hand playing with a loose curl.

  It’s been the perfect night of tender touches and innocent smiles.

  But this, being in his arms, is so much more, and I can feel the shift in us. As if things are about to change.

  We continue to sway to the beautiful song as I realize how perfect this song is for us. How the words represent us so perfectly. Because I would, I’d do anything to make him feel my love.

  As the song comes to an end Kayson pulls away slightly and looks into my eyes. Butterflies take flight in my stomach and I think he’s going to kiss me. Right here, in front of the whole school. I start to lean in as he does, but he kisses my cheek instead.

  “Thanks for that dance, beautiful. Now let me get you home.”

  We walk out hand in hand to his truck, and I’m still as nervous as I was when I thought he was going to kiss me. Because I wanted him to and I still want him to.

  I contemplate making the first move. It can’t be that hard, right? Before I can put any more thought into it he has me against the passenger side of his truck, out of sight from anyone else.

  “I thought I could be a gentleman tonight. Thought I could wait and take this slow like I planned. But I can’t. Not with you looking so gorgeous. Not with watching every fucker in that room watch you dance and move in this tight-as-fuck dress.” He’s caging me in with his big body, which should be intimidating, but it only makes me feel safe.

  “I need to kiss you, baby.”

  Oh my goodness. Oh my God, he called me baby.

  “I need to feel your pouty lips against mine. I haven’t been able to think of anything else since you arrived. Please, baby, let me kiss you. Let me make you mine.” With that last comment his hands are in my hair, tugging my head back gently, and his lips are on mine.

  I’ve kissed a couple of boys before, but they were nothing like this. Not ever. The way Kayson is kissing me is everything. He’s gentle yet commanding, he’s careful yet eager, and he’s taking his time yet devouring me all at once. His soft, full lips are searing me from the inside out, and I never want it to end. I’d be content just to breathe the same air as him for as long as he’d let me.

  As the kiss slows he gives me one last peck, licks his lips, then places his forehead gently to mine.

  “I’m sorry, baby. That got more carried away then I planned,” he rasps out. “But once my lips touched yours I was so fucking lost.”

  I don’t know why I’m blushing after all the time we’ve spent together and after that heated kiss. But I’m blushing all the same at his honesty, so it takes me a minute to reply.

  “You never have to apologize for kissing me like that,” I whisper breathlessly.

  He flashes me another smirk, his lone dimple appearing, and I can’t help but sigh out loud. I must seem like such a fool, but I don’t care. He swept me up and off my feet quickly, immersing me in all things him. Laughing, learning, living, and breathing each other. Rumors have been flying at school because of the attention he’s been giving me, but we’ve just been friends. For all the attention he gave me he never made the move I so desperately wanted him to make. We built a friendship while I was falling in love with him. I had hoped he felt the same way about me, but I wasn’t so sure.

  Until tonight.

  He pecks me one more time while sliding his hands from my hair down between my back and his truck to rest right above my bottom. “This means you’re mine now, right? Please tell me it does. Fuck, I sound like a damn pussy, but I don’t give a fuck. I’ve wanted you since I laid eyes on you so you have to put me out of my misery and tell me that you’re mine…” He trails off at my contained laughter.

  He’s rambling and it is the cutest thing I think I’ve ever seen. Besides that dimple. “So you ramble when you’re nervous, huh?” I finally giggle out loud as he narrows his eyes at me.

  “I may be rambling, but I am not nervous. I want you to be mine, Ember.”

  A smile splits my face at his declaration of him wanting me to be his. He shakes his head slightly as that beautiful smirk crosses his face and then his lips are back on mine. I breathe him in and know this boy is going to change my life. This change in our relationship is exciting and I can’t wait to see where this takes us.

  With one final swipe of his tongue against mine, he pulls back to kiss the corner of my mouth before opening the passenger side door for me to jump into his truck. He helps me up, kisses my lips then my cheek, and then shuts the door as I buckle in.

  Kayson hops into the driver’s side and starts his truck before pulling out of the parking spot to drive me home. The entire ten-minute drive he has his right hand placed on my bare thigh except for when he grasped my left hand in his and brought it to his mouth to place a kiss on my knuckles.

  My heart melts.

  When he pulls into the driveway at my house, I can see the light on in the living room where Momma must be waiting for me.

  I sigh a deep breath, not wanting this night to end. Kayson surprises me again when he unbuckles my seatbelt and tugs me across the bench seat of his beat-up, old pickup truck. Then before I can utter one word, his lips drop down to mine for a deep, slow kiss.

  “I don’t want to let you go yet.” He breathes against my lips as he pulls away, just enough to look into my eyes.

  “I don’t want to go,” I reply quietly. My heart actually aches at having this night end.

  “As much as I’d love to keep you in this truck to steam up these windows I need to get you to your door before I do something you’re not ready for.” He groans as I press myself closer to him. My body reacting before my brain can process what I’m doing.

  Pulling away completely, Kayson places a kiss to my forehead, which causes my eyes to slide closed. All of a sudden the warmth of his body disappears, and I hear his truck door open and his boots hit the gravel of my driveway.

  “Come on, baby, let me walk you to your door.” He smirks at the look on my face. I’m pouting and I know it.

  I place my hand in his as he helps me down, then we walk hand in hand to my front door where Kayson spins me to face him and embraces me in his arms. Goose bumps erupt across my skin as he leans down and places a kiss to my bare shoulder before whispering in my ear. “I’ll call you tomorrow, baby. Sweet dreams.”
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br />   He drops another kiss to my shoulder then places a gentle peck against my lips before pulling away and walking down to his truck. When he starts it up I walk through the door to see Momma sitting right where I knew she’d be. Reading.

  “Have a good night, baby girl?” she asks through a small smile. Like she knows what happened tonight.

  “Uh yeah, Momma, I did. But I’m really tired from all the dancing Sam and Tracey had me doing, so I’m going to go to bed.”

  As I start down the hallway and make it to my room, I hear her snicker to herself before she yells, “Okay…good night, honey.”

  I heave a deep sigh when I enter my room that’s lit up by the moonlight entering through my partially drawn curtain.

  Leaning against my closed bedroom door, I feel my clutch vibrate with a text message. When I pull it out I see a group text from Sam and Tracey.

  Sam: Eeeeeek, you little minx! I saw that kiss! You go, girl! Does he kiss as well as he plays football? Like a fucking champ?

  Tracey: Sam, tone it down a notch, would ya? Ember, OMG, OMG, OMG! EEEEEK!

  I can’t help but giggle at their antics as I lift a hand to my mouth to skim my fingers across my lips at remembering what it felt like to feel Kayson’s full lips against mine. To feel his warm breath breathing life into me. To have his sweet taste on my tongue. And oh goodness when he called me ‘baby’ I about melted into a puddle right there. I have never felt so cherished and wanted in all my life more than I did in that moment.

  Stepping out of my dress and sliding into a tank and sleep shorts, I replay the night in my head over and over again. Tonight will be one I will never forget. Kayson totally surprised me by finally making a move and he completely stole the last pieces of my heart.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  -NOVEMBER-

  KAYSON

  It started at the occasional party while I was trying to win my girl. I figured I would stop when I was ready, but it never seemed to be the right time. And when I finally got the girl it didn’t stop me.

  When I was prescribed the pills after injuring my hand, I debated even taking them; hesitated because I was afraid the douche bag genes of my father ran through my blood. That the addict in him was living inside of me. But I needed those pills to get through practice and games.

  So my first turned into many.

  I guess I should have listened to my gut instinct though. Because the pills turned into more partying late at night after I left Ember’s place. Then the pot and booze turned to popping those pills at random times. To flush away the darkness that clouded my head. To drown out the bullshit from home and the stresses of school and football and instead cloud it with euphoria. Then the pills turned to coke to bring me back up. It’s been a vicious cycle and I can’t stop it. I don’t know how and I don’t know if I want to.

  Ember doesn’t know about the parties or the drugs. I do know she can tell something’s up with me though. I know she can. She doesn’t know what because I keep telling her I’m just stressed. That my mood swings and hotter temper are because of the stress of senior year and shit at home. If she knew the truth I know she’d walk out.

  I do know for sure she can’t know. She can’t ever find out. I can’t taint her with this. I can control it. I know I can. I will control it because I can’t lose her after just getting her. That is something I will not let happen. Besides Damon, Ember is the only other person I have in my life that I give a damn about. I need her.

  I’m afraid I’m going to fuck this up before it really gets started though, because of my behavior. Fuck, last week I almost took off Damon’s head when he went to hug Ember hello at lunch. Everyone looked at me like I’d lost my damn mind. And I did there for a minute. But I took a deep breath and tossed on a smile to reassure them all I was okay. That I was just messing around. I got skeptical looks but they all moved on. Ember’s unease lingered a bit longer but I kissed it right off her face. Not giving a fuck who was around to see me claim my girl’s lips. I brought her back to me, just me.

  Then proceeded to lie to her.

  I told her I was going to use the bathroom before fifth period started. I did go to the bathroom. But it was to pop another pill in the stall to help ease the twisting in my gut.

  Yeah, drugs on school property is not a good idea, but I needed something. I needed to take the edge off. It was what I needed to be able to make it through the rest of the day.

  But like every other time I succumb to the escape, guilt begins to wash over me. After every pill, every line, and every drink I feel so guilty, so wrong. But I can’t stop, and I don’t know how to. I’m drowning and fuck if I know how to stop it. I know Ember is my lifeline, my life jacket in this sea of despair. Even though having her doesn’t stop me from using, she brings light into my bleak life and reminds me that I have something to lose.

  That’s why when I see douche bags like Jimmy fucking Sanders staring more at my girl’s rack than at her face when she’s talking to him, I lose my shit.

  EMBER

  Since the homecoming dance, where Kayson claimed me as his, we’ve been pretty inseparable. From hanging out after school, to spending weekends together, to talking on the phone into all hours of the night when we’re apart. It’s like we can’t get enough of each other. I know I can’t get enough of him.

  And when we are together, if we aren’t laughing, Kayson can’t keep his lips off of mine. Not that I’m any better. The way he kisses me, it’s like he’s cherishing me with his lips. Breathing more love into me with each breath he steals with each kiss.

  The past month or so has been amazing. Learning each other. Exploring each other. Falling for each other. Each day is better than the next. Our transition from friends to more was effortless.

  Something is off though, and I can’t quite put my finger on what it is exactly. Not that I’ve known Kayson much longer than we’ve been together, but he doesn’t seem as carefree anymore. He’s more on edge, more hostile, and at times a bit irrational. I’ve asked on more than one occasion if he was all right and each time he assures me he’s okay. Just stressed with his senior year and stuff at home. Now that football is over we have more time with each other, and I thought most of his stresses would go away.

  Apparently, I was wrong.

  Because we are currently engaged in a heated battle, our first real fight, at my house after school, all because Jimmy Sanders and I were discussing a History project in the hallway after class and Kayson happened to see.

  “I don’t understand what’s going on, Kayson. We were talking about our class project. Nothing more.” I’m barely speaking above a whisper because he’s yelling enough for the both of us.

  He takes a couple of deep breaths, like he’s trying to calm himself down. It doesn’t seem to work though.

  “Were you or were you not flirting with the douche bag, Ember? Pretty simple, a yes or no answer will do.” He grinds his jaw back and forth, sniffing a few times, while he waits for my answer.

  “I wasn’t flirting with anyone. We were discussing the project, like I told you the first ten times. I really don’t know where this is coming from.” I shift my eyes away from him so he can’t see the tears building. “I need you to go. Please,” I whisper my plea for him to leave.

  His face drops, color drains from his face, and instead of walking toward my bedroom door like I asked, he’s moving toward me.

  “What? No, you don’t mean that. I just, I’m sorry, I saw that douche bag looking at you like he wanted you and I lost it.”

  “Kayson, just go. We’ll talk about this tomorrow when you’ve had a chance to calm down.” The tears are about to fall, and I really need him to go so he doesn’t see them.

  He looks panicked and at a loss for words until he blurts out what I’ve been wanting to tell him since day one.

  “I love you, okay?”

  I look up at him, stunned. “Wha-what?” I stutter.

  “I said I fucking love you. That’s why I’m acting like a giant a
sshole. That’s why I want to rip Jimmy fucking Sanders from limb to limb.” More deep breaths, more jaw grinding, more sniffing. “It’s because I fucking love you. But not that bullshit young puppy love. Like I love you love you. Need you. Want you. Crave you. I feel it from my fucking soul, from deep in my heart.”

  I know I must look like a fish out of water with my mouth opening and closing repeatedly, but I am so shocked by what he’s just said and the shift in his mood that I don’t even know what to say.

  “I know this probably seems rushed or impossible to you. You may not even love me back, but I don’t give a fuck, Ember. Because it’s true. I love you.” He’s breathing heavily again. Taking in deep, shuddering breaths to calm himself down while I’m falling apart. “I fucking love you, baby,” he whispers.

  I blink and the tears I was holding back rush down my face. When I open them again he’s walking up to me, flipping his ball cap backward, sliding his hands into my hair, and kissing me.

  Kissing me like I’m it. I’m his end game, his forever.

  And just like that I’m lost in him. I forget about the fight, his jealousy, the rage. I forget and just get lost. Lost in his kiss, his embrace, and his wandering hands that clutch my bottom. I’m lost in his passion and need and want. But most of all, I’m lost in the love this boy has for me.

  When he breaks away, allowing us both to breathe in the air we need, I’m finally able to reply. “I love you, too. I think I’ve loved you since that first day you smirked at me, Kayson. It’s like our souls knew each other already. Like they are tethered and our hearts are the half of the others.”

  “So tell us what happened.” Tracey looks at me with her eyes wide and inquisitive. Sam sits beside her, smirking with a knowing look on her face. That girl always seems to know everything.

  “Stop looking at my like that, Samantha Shae.”

  “What?” Again with that innocent look, like she is fooling anyone.